Thursday, January 26, 2012

‘The battered BIMmer’s syndrome’

I’m claiming it today.
It may invite the furore of those supporting the genuinely ‘battered’, for trivialising the syndrome, but you know what?
Who cares? I know MY pain, and it goes deep.
OK, not quite as deep as the youngest daughter’s who has drowned her mobile phone a fortnight ago and is saving up for the mandatory-half of the new-one, but close.

The symptoms of BBS I exhibit:
I walk around like the dog that has been kicked one-too-many times.
I look jealously at the checkout operator that gets a smile and a ‘thank you’ for her service from the person in front of me at the supermarket.
(oh, to be once more appreciated for doing something, anything...)
I sit through 2 days of BIM-related presentations without experiencing any sparks for involvment or a slightest wish to criticise.
I stop caring about my DebunkTheBIM blog...
As it is with so many other things, by acknowledging to myself the degree of emotional imbalance I found myself in, has lifted some of its power and weight off me.
Curiously, it has also given me the almost unnatural gift of being able to recognise fellow sufferers, from quite a distance and within crowds.

The sombre looks, the fear, misplaced loyalty, unfounded shame and economic dependence on something very hostile.
But most of all, the inability to escape!

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